Nobody tells you that sitting down is the part you'll dread
They prepare you for the birth. They prepare you for the feeding. Nobody mentions that for the first month, the hardest thing you do thirty times a day is lower yourself into a chair.
My hospital bag had three types of nipple cream in it. It did not have the one thing I actually needed in the first fortnight, which was something to sit on.
Second-degree tear, eleven stitches. Standing was fine. Lying down was fine. But a newborn feeds eight to twelve times a day, and every single one of those starts with lowering yourself into a chair and staying there for forty minutes.
For the first week I fed her standing up, leaning on the edge of the cot. My back gave out before my stitches healed.
Everyone offers you a rubber ring. My mum brought one round on day three. It does work — but it rolls, it squeaks, it slides off a nursing chair when you're holding a baby in both arms, and it gives your lower back absolutely nothing at a point when your core has completely checked out.
I lasted four days on it.
Why it hurts exactly where it hurts
Stitches, tearing and swelling all sit within a few centimetres of the tailbone. And when you sit on something flat, your pelvis rolls backwards and drives your whole bodyweight down through that exact area.
It isn't that the chair is hard. It's where the load lands. Which is also why a soft cushion doesn't help — you sink through it and land in the same place, just more slowly.
What works is firm foam with the material under that area removed completely, so your weight transfers out onto the sit bones either side. A raised back edge helps too, and not for the reason you'd think: it stops you rounding your lower back to get up and down, which is the movement that pulls on everything.
This is what I should have packed
Firm coccyx-cutout cushion. Machine-washable cover, non-slip base, and it doesn't look like a hospital item in your living room.
See the cushion →Five things I'd put in the hospital bag next time
Something to sit on, before anything else
The car seat on the way home from hospital is the first hard surface you meet and one of the longest you're stuck on. Have it in the car before the birth, not after.
Firm, not soft
Everything in your instinct says get the softest thing possible. Soft lets you sink until you land on the sore spot anyway, and it bottoms out completely halfway through a long feed.
The ring is not the answer everyone thinks it is
It works, but it rolls, it slides, and it supports nothing above your hips at a point when your back is doing all the work.
The getting-up matters as much as the sitting
Especially after a caesarean. A raised back edge stops you rounding your spine to stand, which is what pulls on the scar.
It's the gift nobody buys
Everyone buys clothes the baby grows out of in six weeks. I have since given three of these as baby-shower presents and every single one got a text about it.
Worth checking first
Postnatal recovery is individual, and pain that is severe, one-sided, worsening or accompanied by fever needs to be looked at rather than cushioned. Ask your midwife or GP. A cushion makes sitting more comfortable; it does not treat anything.
Other mothers, same fortnight
Ordered it for the first fortnight after my second baby and honestly I still use it at my desk. Nobody who comes over has ever asked what it's for, which I appreciate more than I expected to.
— Priya N., 34Second-degree tear. Week one I was feeding standing up leaning on the cot. This got me into the actual chair. I wish someone had put it on the hospital bag list.
— Hannah B., 29Bought it after my c-section for the getting-up part, which is what nobody warns you about. Ended up using it in the car for months.
— Melissa K., 36The fourth trimester is full of things nobody mentions. Most of them you just get through. This one has an actual solution, and it costs less than the pram organiser I never used.
Pack it. Or get someone to send it to you on day two, which is what I'd do.
60 nights to decide, which is longer than you'll need
Firm coccyx-cutout cushion. Machine-washable cover, non-slip base, and it doesn't look like a hospital item in your living room.
See the cushion →